Loss is hard, very hard. Next to giving birth which I have no experience with its probably a close second. it’s also a part of life. You cannot get out of its way, loss is going to happen. There are huge amounts and varieties of loss that one can experience and I am not going to attempt to list them all. I am relating what I do/did as a result of an intimate personal relationship with loss.
I am writing about the personal loss of another member of our species. Someone in your life that you have had a personal relationship with.
If you have been on the planet long enough you have experienced this loss. My thought, my way of dealing, is to allow this feeling of loss to happen. If you are outside you will get wet when the rain falls, right?
It is true that with time your emotional self will improve but it has been my experience that it never goes away. Trying to push it down into that vault of sorrow where everyone locks up the feelings they don’t want to deal with does you nor anyone around you any good. It will find a way to leak through your pores like sweat till it reaches the surface and everyone around you suffers. Stay hopeful and let the drops fall.
Drinking (or other mind-altering wacky drugs) to forget that single moment in time/space, or the images in your head, or the scenario you found yourself unexpectedly involved in, only helps fuel the nightmares, and when you are conscious once again you will find that you are still here, and you can’t run from you. Be hopeful and find a towel.
I think it is better to find a way to honor the individual or individuals in a way that you knew them. What that means to you is as varied as your imagination. Was it a work incident? Was it your BFF? It is a very personal thing but we are all in this together breathing the same gasses on this rock we call home.
For myself, I don’t want to forget.
More like I refuse to forget. I do not suggest doing what I did, that’s just me. Loss is not a simple process. It has taken me ten years to get to the point of writing something, even something not specific, but I am still here, hopeful…
That’s the point, isn’t it? You are still here, make it worth it to the lost that you are still here. Show that you deserve to be here. Find a way in your life to honor and or commemorate them. You are only limited by your imagination.
Also, take time for yourself. When is the last time you went out at dark and just simply breathed deep and looked up? Hell for that matter when is the last time you snatched the video controller out of your kid’s hand and took them out with you. Point out the Seven Sisters, or Cassiopeia, or Orion’s Belt and teach them. Your still here…
When the rain falls you will get wet but its how you dry off that matters. Shiver but don’t let it kill you. Don’t let it take you ten years to do it. If you want to talk to a professional do it. Me? Nah, that’s not who I am. Tried it, found that I already have a max capacity of characters up there running around in my grey matter, no room to add one more.
Hang in there, be hopeful, and dry off as quick as you can!